Hanging Out with My Hyde – Redemption

After eons, it seemed, I saw him again.

He was lounging on his swiveling chair, just as I remembered, wearing a suit that fitted him like a glove, sipping his double chocolate milkshake, and offering me his most disdainful smile as I walked up to his table.

"So, Master Aech, how have you been faring since the last time we met?". Sarcasm dripped from his words; he knew full well what hell I've gone through. He was a part of me, after all. A part I had never wished for, but a part all the same.

"You know full well, Hyde, of the life you drove me to.", I replied with venom in my voice. "You did all you could to ruin me". There wasn't enough hatred in the whole world for what I felt towards him, then and there.

"And I would have succeeded too,", he replied calmly, pointing towards an approaching figure, "If it hadn't been for her."

As she came nearer, I was able to make out details about her. She had the face of an angel, her cheekbones softened with light, but carefully applied makeup. The kohl intensified the fire in her eyes, and I wondered, not for the first time, that how could anyone possibly resist falling for this perfect beauty. Her dress was a long white, with silver embroidery covering the entire front. A long shawl covered half her head, and trailed past her shoulders along her back, all the way to her calves. Her feet were adorned by silver heels which complemented her dress, and in her hands, there was a matching clutch purse. Her beauty and poise took my breath away, and as I stood there, my mouth hanging open and my brain befuddled, she smiled that shy smile of hers, and I was giddy with joy as I stepped towards my bride.

I helped her into a chair, and as she settled into it, I saw her glance uncertainly towards Hyde. She didn't recognise him! Breathing a sigh of relief, I took the remaining chair between them.

As always, Hyde was the one to speak first. "Welcome, Mrs. Aech. Its a pleasure to finally meet you". The look in his eyes was one of mockery, and though he appeared languid, there was an unmasked hostility in his demeanour. I knew the reason well enough but she didn't, and hence it wasn't a surprise when she placed her hand on mine and whispered, "Who is he"?

"My lady, I'm . . . ", he began in his glib tongue, and for the first time, I cut him off. "My dear", I addressed my bride, "he's me. Or rather he was, before I met you. I don't know what he is now. A remnant of a life behind me, I suppose?"

"I still don't understand...", she said, bewildered, as he chuckled behind me.

Steeling myself with a deep breath, I took her hand in mine, and began my tale...

--

"I had a life before you too. A continuous, monotonous cycle of the trivial: eating, sleeping, studying (and later, working). There was no margin of leisure, no concept of freewill. All was preordained for me, and following it meekly was the only way I knew. My imagination lacked inspiration, and my actions were without aspirations. Then you came along, and lit this spark of spontaneity inside me. A spark that transformed into a raging fire by the time you committed yourself to me. And now I look back and think: That’s when I was really born.

I dreamt before you too. Dreams of a long and happy life, a job where I would be at home, a small cottage by the sea, beside my café, where I would lie down in a hammock and play my guitar, or sit on the beach and pour my heart out on paper. I used to dream of a companion whom I would respect and care for, and who would always be there for me. However vivid they might have been, they were still mere dreams, and when mornings came, I woke up to the same humdrum lifestyle that I hoped to escape. And then one day, those weren’t just my dreams anymore; they were my goals. Our goals. I started to hope, to believe in a better life. I put my faith in us, and now when I look at us, the reality is more beautiful than any dream my mind could conjure up.

I loved before you too. Entering each relationship bravely, willing to give my all in exchange for quite little: a smile that would belong to me, occasional attention to my condition, and hope for a better future. Time after time I failed though, because I didn’t know how to love. Love, as the world taught me, was just a tool to get almost anything done. Love was a poison, meant to act slowly, as you work to obtain what you need from your beloved. And after that, once you satiate your greed and acquire what you came for, you just have to get up and leave. You turn your promises to maybes, your devotion to deception, your smiles to smirks, and just disappear. And after a stumble too many, when I decided I was ready to pay the world in kind, I met you. For a while, I didn’t know whether you would be my final hope, or my first victim. I was selfish and rude, taking my frustrations out on you. Yet you never left me. You purged me of all the hatred I had for this world, and filled me with your essence. You became my salvation, and now I when I look back, I think: You really saved me."

--

By that time, I had run out of everything: things to say, air to breathe, and strength to look at her. Now that she had seen what I was before, she may not like me anymore. I feared I had lost her forever, when she squeezed my hand in reaffirmation, and just like that, all was right with the world. I looked at her, and I couldn't help but smile as I marvelled at her beauty, her courage, and the trust she had in me.So lost were we in each other's eyes that we did not even notice Hyde wave at us as he vanished in the cool afternoon breeze. Nor did we feel the warmth of the perfect winter sun, for we were too lost in each other, hand in hand, and ready to begin a new life with each other, full of love, happiness and adventure. And as I held her face in my hands, the whole world seemed to stop, letting us savour this new sensation as we came close...

Fading Away...

“Want some tea?”, he called from the kitchen.

“Duh, no! I just had coffee!”, she replied disdainfully from the den.

“Oh, but she never asked me if I wanted some. Well...”, he muttered as he walked up the stairs to the snug room. Their relationship had been falling apart for the last few months, but he had been doing his best to keep it together. Strangely, he didn’t even know the cause of this deterioration, as nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Shaking his head to clear it of the dark forebodings, he entered the living room, sat his cup down on the table and walked up to his guitar. Picking up the case, he started unzipping it, wanting to sing her a song, and not just any song, mind you. He had GnR’s “November Rain” in mind, the one he had always dreamed of singing to her. However, just a glance at her frowning face was enough to make him put it down. “Maybe later”, he thought as he closed the case again, sighing just audibly as he slouched past her and settled in his comfy chair.

“So sweetheart, how was your day?”, he asked tentatively. “Did Mr. ‘Perks’ treat you well?”

“Hahaha, of course dear! He has been very nice and accommodating since I organized that soft skills workshop! He appreciated the innovative idea very much, almost too much! And the audience was so supportive”, she gushed as she recalled Open Week, the most successful in- house event of STEM n’ ROOTS, a consultancy and career counselling company they both worked for.

It was his idea, of course. All brilliant ones were his. They had planned to conduct this ‘refresher’ workshop for their respective departments simultaneously. However, his department head was a bit reluctant towards approving the event. “We’ve never had this sort of an event, and I’m afraid the department members won’t be interested. Furthermore, it’s not our job to keep them on the track.”, was what his supervisor had told him. Rather than risk postponing Open Week in both departments, he had asked her to go ahead with it in her department. Although he claimed it would serve to demonstrate the workshop’s importance to his head, but in fact, it was due to his ever-present desire to see her on top of things, and organizing a successful event for the first time would certainly take her a long way.

She had gone ahead and organized the event, forming a team on the way, but keeping him updated throughout the procedure. It proved to be a smashing hit, with the company employees turning up in throngs to attend the event. Despite the fact that it was his idea, and it was he who motivated her to manage the event, he didn’t even get an invitation. It had stung him like hell, but she claimed that since their departments didn’t have anything in common, so it would be useless for him if she asked him to come. “However, you can come if you really want to.”, had been her response.

“It doesn’t matter if it would help me or not. I’d love to come if someone cares to invite me” had been his final attempt to make her realize how much he wanted to be with her, and how much her willingness mattered to her. However, it didn’t change anything. Weekend came and went, with him back at his place, sleeping the Open Week out. No one missed him at the event. And she became a star overnight.

Now, as he sat opposite to her, he didn’t know how to ask her for the post-event report. He needed it to convince his supervisor that not only was the event worthy of being organized at STEM n’ ROOTS, it had already been organized once with very encouraging results. Mustering up his courage, he leaned forward a bit and spoke: “Hey, have you people composed a post event report? That sort of thing is really necessary, especially after a successful event”

“Uh-oh”, she nodded, her eyes glued to her laptop screen.

“Can I have it for a couple of days? I need to show it to my supervisor, to prove that Open Week isn’t a waste of time. That old man still lives in the ‘60s”, he said with a nervous chuckle, uncertain how she will respond. But as she closed her laptop’s lid and took off her glasses, he knew he had her undivided attention. Nevertheless, nothing could have prepared him for what came next.

Have you ever been in love with someone who wasn’t aware of, or at least pretended to be unaware of, how you felt towards them? Have you ever, dear reader, tried to have your actions speak of the inexplicable love you have for someone who wants to have nothing to do with you, except perhaps using your skills and connections for their own well- being? Have you, o handsome fellow, suffered the pangs of unrequited love, hoping the person in your dreams will come to realize how you feel and what you have for them is priceless, that they’ll be lucky to receive even half of that from any other human? If yes, then you might understand how our poor boy had been pushing on with his life, and what her response could’ve done to her.

As she straightened up, he looked into her eyes, hoping that, for once, she’ll acknowledge what he has done, rather, has been doing for past couple of years. He longed for a glimpse of acceptance, either in her words or her actions. However, he was stunned when she finally spoke, her every word cutting her like a knife: “Open Week was a private event of my department”.

To say that he was dumbstruck would be a gross understatement. He saw the whole world spinning before him, felt a constriction in his throat that had nothing to do with thirst. He remembered the times they had shared together, resulting in some of his fondest memories. His past two years flashed before his eyes: his attempts at expressing his feelings to her, the happiness he always experienced when he saw her, the times he had spent staring at her pictures, the thrill he used to experience whenever he heard her voice, all came crashing down in his lap, along with the elusive truth: she wanted to have nothing to do with him. He was a tool, a means of climbing the ladder of life. Maybe she really trusted him, even considered a friend, but she had never been there when he needed her. His assumptions were fading away, as were his dreams. The pedestal had crumbled, bringing the goddess he worshipped to the ground.

Wordlessly, he stood up and left. He didn’t want to, even now, but he knew it was for his own good. But he knew he would never be able to forget her; the girl who meant so much to him.

Back in the den, she looked up as she heard the front door open, and close. Her expression was unfathomable as she sighed and put the documents away. Suddenly, she spotted the cup of tea he had made earlier. Steam was still rising from it...

The Road to My Heart

You're one brave visitor if you dare walk;

Down the road leading to my heart

The journey is not too long, I believe;

But instead of the milestone, is a gnarled tree

The path is treacherous, your shoes might not last;

'Cos strewn here and there, are dreams from the past

Have a look if you want, at these rubies and sapphires;

Of longings and regrets, of hopes and desires

Do you like their shiny facets, their glimmer of a bright future?

But you can't feel their sadness, unless you hold them closer

Be careful with the shards, of diamonds and opals;

Relics from the past, as far as I recall

Keep walking on the path, its not a long march;

My heart is right there, the façade with wide arch

The courtyard is mossy, and the pillars wrapped with vines;

The threshold is dusty, covered in layers of grime

The doorknob, though rusty, will still work fine;

Though the chiming clock in foyer tells the wrong time

It seems desolate, but please excuse its state;

It hasn't had a worthy visitor of late

I know you're wound up, you need a place to rest;

Take master room of mansion, it is by far the best

But o, fair visitor, if you intend to stay;

There's urgent work to do, can't wait for a rainy day

Clean all that past has left, purge this shrine of love;

Polish the chandeliers, that hang high above

You'll have new furniture, beds with solid bottom;

Covered with finest sheets of Egyptian cotton

The sofas will be leather, the divan comfortable;

And cutlery of gold, straight from a fable

No more sputtering torches, no gloomy hallways;

The mansion shall be lit, through all nights and days

The garden is parched, but there's a well under my eye;

Use all the tears on roses, nevermore I want to cry

Don't leave my dreams alone, pick them and be gentle;

Bring them inside my heart, and put them on the mantle

See, now you have a home, a place to call yours;

Where joy is in the roots, and above, love soars

Here you will be cherished, here I will watch you over;

You'll live like a princess, in the heart of your lover

About a Girl I Once Knew (Narrative)

She's unlike any girl I've ever seen. That's the truth. She has raven hair, hanging straight down her shoulders. And when she's talking to you, she will brush them back and tuck them behind her ear. That said, she is NOT like any raven-haired girl you'd have ever met. She's unique, like a rare gem you often dream of, but never actually find. Her eyes are the colour of chocolate and coffee, always sparkling with life, and when you look into them, all you will see is honesty. Her face, well, you'll probably notice her freckles first. She never tries to hide them because she isn't conceited. She wants you to see her for what she is. And to tell you the truth, I think those freckles suit her. And when she smiles, she looks so radiant and pretty, that my heart actually flutters like a caged bird. That's the effect she has on me.

Now I don't think a man ever notices a girl's hands while he's talking to her, but I did. Hers are small and delicate, with slender fingers that are absolutely    mesmerising. I'm told that my eyes follow the movement of her hands as she brushes them through her hair.  Well, I don't deny it, because I know how special she is for me. Everything she does captures my attention. I tell you, any man will be proud to have her.

When she talks, all I can do is listen. Her voice is soft yet clear, and when she speaks, it casts a spell over me. Its not as if I don't want to listen to her. But her voice has a reinforcing effect that tells me I'm going to listen to whatever she's saying.

I'm not sure if I'm able to do justice to her so far, because as I said, she's unlike any girl I've ever met. So it's impossible to compare her with someone and say: yes, she's the better one. Of course she's better than them all, so comparing her to them is like disgracing her. She's like an oyester's pearl: rare and valuable. And all I know is, I like her more and more with each second I spend with her. I've gotten so used to her that I don't want to be without her. Ever. I just hope she feels the same way too. I hope my wish comes true. I want to shower her with all the life's joys, if only she becomes mine...

Missing You...

Late at night, with stars shining bright;

No wonder I am still missing you tonight

I laugh during day, and give fake smiles;

Knowing that my heart will never be alright

His Heartbreak

She was the beacon he followed;

Nurturing hope in his heart

But she led only to distress;

Pierced his dreams with a dart

He didn't realize, though he wasn't the same again;

That she was a temptress, merely playing her part

A Place in My Dreams

I know a place in my dreams;

An island, as big as a trireme

Around it, though, there is no sea;

Float it does, through the galaxy

Swirling clouds surround its base;

Beautiful moon, it does always face

I look around, and glimpse the two trees;

The rest is grass, cool under my bare feet

Under the gnarled tree I sit;

The Earth below it, a hollow pit

Across the isle, I see the oak;

Its highest branch holds the web like a cloak

I pluck the grass and make a thread;

And weave another wish to the web

While my dreams never come true;

And my thoughts, always going back to you

I gaze around at the galaxies;

The stars and comets, all at peace

The eons taught them what I don't know;

The joy is there after every sorrow

They attempt to teach, and I try to learn;

A change in myself, I can discern

But the morning's here, its time to leave;

And see if troubles this hope can cleave

If my hopes break,  if Fate makes them shatter;

The lessons of night, I will not remember

Tonight I'll add another hope to my web;

It won't matter then, if the old ones are dead

The galaxies will be silent, and the grass, green;

When I retire tonight, to the place in my dreams